Controversy

This is my controversy. I strongly believe in traditional values espoused in the Holy Bible. Alas, as the sinner I am, I haven't always lived the way I wish I would. I've made mistakes. Mistakes that upset my beloved and most forgiving Father in Heaven. I was married for a year. We divorced. I don't even really know why, except that I didn't know how to be a wife and he didn't know how to be a husband. It was probably for the best because he was not a practicing Christian. However, I was so ashamed of being divorced, I remarried soon after to someone I should have never even dated. (What was I thinking, two wrongs make a right????) We barely survived 7 years. I was only practicing my faith on the surface and put a lot of hope in forgiveness. We divorced when our baby was 2 months old.

I prayed and hoped and believed that one day I would become the wife and mother I felt God wanted me to be. But, as my Christian faith grew stronger, I was convicted by the Biblical teachings on women and divorce and adultery and remaining single or reconcilliation. I was very conflicted. What about being a new creation in Christ and the old being gone and the new coming? I surrendered my dreams to God. If He really wanted me to be a wife again, it would be clear.

On February 20, 2002, I became a wife for the last time.

I am an adultress...I am unfaithful to the man I first married. The marriage was annulled by the Roman Catholic Church, but what does that really mean? We were married by a Lutheran pastor and a Catholic priest in a Lutheran Church. How can one say that nothing ever happened that did?

I am also unfaithful to my second husband...

It is Biblically incorrect to be married to my (third) husband since I have been divorced. But, my benevolent Father in Heaven continues to bless my marriage and my family. Praise Him for His Faithfulness evidenced in forgiveness and love.

I just finished reading Stephen Bates' "A Church at War: The Anglicans and Homosexuality". It was very liberally biased, but it made me put the stone I wanted to cast, aside. Jesus forgives our sins, but He also tells us to go and sin no more...He forgives the homosexual and the adultress, each sin being equal, equal also to the liar, petty thief and murderer. Then Christ commands, "go and sin no more". The liar stops lying, the thief stops thieving, the murderer ceases to kill. The adultress remains faithful to her husband ...she continues to sin; the gay man remains true to his partner...they continue in sin. The quandry is that these sinners, are also true witnesses for the Gospel of the Lord, they spread the love of God and His Good News to all they know. The are steadfast in their service to God. The adultress the same as the homosexual. The adultress can hide behind convention, but her heart which is very close to God knows all of the truth. She, a sinner, as we all are, is no different than the gay man or lesbian woman. The adultress should have remained celebate, just as the homosexual. However, in a committed relationship serving God, she blesses many more by her Grace from God.

I am a member of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. Sometimes I think that it is too liberal for my conservative leanings. However, I re-read some of the statments on sexuality and I think they are good and sound. I know people won't agree with them. I personally like black and white without gray areas. If I had my life to live over, I would stay on the straight and narrow and encourage everyone to do the same. However, my life experience has led me to this place where I must be able to at least consider things in this gray light.

Of course I will instruct my children that there are traditional values that should be respected and honored. I don't think it is from a double standard that I wish this for them. I have made my life hard by my own selfish choices and if it weren't for that fact that in Christ I am a new creation and the old is gone, I would be filled with remorse and regret. I pray hard that my daughters will live true Godly lives as they learn from our mistakes.